Brighten Your Day

So often in life we ask the question, “Why?”

Why me?

Why them?

Why now?

Why like this?

It’s a question I’ve asked many times. And sometimes, I catch myself asking God why. But then He gently reminds me of all the times He’s carried me through the impossible—through the pain I thought would break me, through seasons I never thought I’d survive.

If I’m being honest, life didn’t exactly deal me an easy hand. If you met some of my family, you might wonder how I’ve become who I am. The short answer? God.

Not my upbringing. Not my environment. Just God.

I didn’t come to know Him through my parents. As a little girl, I lived down the street from an Assemblies of God pastor. His daughter and I were the same age and became friends. When our family moved, they made sure we knew about a Wednesday night church bus that came through the neighborhood. I started getting myself—and my brothers—on that bus nearly every week.

God was the one constant in my life.

He never left. He never hurt me. He never let me down.

He loved me just as I was. He made me perfectly.

Even when my earthly father never came to see me, I knew I had a Heavenly Father who was always with me, always listening.

Through foster care, through adoption—God was there.

Fast forward to adulthood. I became a mom at 19. We dream about motherhood, but no one really prepares you for the unexpected. My son was head-down for most of my pregnancy, but then flipped breech at the last moment. Because of my preeclampsia, we already had a C-section scheduled. The doctor offered to try turning him, but warned it could be painful and dangerous. I prayed about it—and felt peace in sticking to the plan.

When he was born, we learned he had Down syndrome and a serious heart defect that required open-heart surgery. If we had tried to flip him, his heart may not have handled it. We had no idea—but God did. He was protecting my son before we even knew he needed protecting.

By 21, I was divorced.

In January 2019, I gave birth to my daughter.

Three months later, I found out I was pregnant again.

With my two bonus kids, that made five.

We moved to Chaska right before Christmas to be closer to daycare. We barely knew our neighbors, and then winter set in—which isn’t exactly the best time to meet people.

Then everything changed.

My son started complaining about leg pain—constant, unexplained pain—and low-grade fevers. My ex brushed it off as growing pains. But I knew in my gut something wasn’t right. I pushed for bloodwork.

Two days before the COVID lockdown, we were admitted to Children’s Hospital. He had leukemia.

I was full-term with a baby.

My world was already cracking...

And it was about to break even more.

Not long after, my 15-month-old daughter had a reaction to her vaccines. She’d had mild ones before, but this time was different. Overnight, she lost her ability to walk and talk. The doctors initially said it might be meningitis and that she’d recover. But I knew—deep down—I knew there was more. And I wasn’t going to stop until someone took it seriously.

From June to November, we searched for answers.

Eventually, we got one—but not the one we wanted.

She had a terminal genetic condition.

In just months, we went from a cancer diagnosis, to a terminal diagnosis, to welcoming a newborn, all while the world was shutting down. It was surreal—an out-of-body kind of pain. And honestly, I didn’t feel much of anything. Panic attacks were constant. I rarely cried. I just... survived.

But even in the numbness, even in the chaos—God was there.

I prayed. I worshipped. I walked hospital hallways with worship music as my soundtrack. I yelled at God sometimes. But I also trusted Him.

I knew He saw the full picture.

I knew He was in it with me—even when I felt completely alone.

So often, we are looking for instant gratification. Immediate answers.

We Google. We phone a friend.

We cry out, “Lord, pleeeease show me the answer NOW!”

As a special needs mom, dealing with weekly—and sometimes daily—trials, I understand that desperation.

But I’ve also seen the faithfulness of God.

His timing is always perfect.

His ways are better than mine—thank goodness, because I am far from perfect.

The life I’ve lived has given me a perspective many may never experience.

Most people grow up in one home, one way of life—whether it’s healthy or broken, it’s still all they know.

Me? I’ve lived many different lives. I’ve seen so many sides of the human experience. And it has taught me to love deeply and widely.

I love like God loves. I love the broken. I love the put-together.

If you’re hurting, I will show up for you—no matter who you are.

Jesus didn’t avoid the tax collectors and prostitutes. He walked straight into their lives with love.

He didn’t turn away. So why do we?

Why do we act like we get to decide who is lovable and who isn’t?

God said, “Love your neighbor.”

So... are you?

People often ask me, “How do you do it? How do you keep smiling?”

They tell me I’m strong.

But I’m only as strong as the One who holds me.

I am weak. He is strong.

I smile because God is with me.

I smile because He has carried me through every storm—and He’ll carry me through the next one too.

I smile because even in the ashes, I’ve seen beauty.

Even in the downpour, I’ve seen rainbows and wildflowers bloom.

It’s all about perspective.

You can sit in the mess and say, “Poor me.”

Or you can say, “This is hard—but how can I live through it with hope until it passes?”

I’ve never had an easy life.

But I’ve always had God.

And I’ve always had my smile.

Those two things? They’re not going anywhere.

Because God is joy.

And when I look at my life—yes, the brokenness, but also the blessings—

How can I not smile?